Friday, 3 July 2009

Soapy hypocrite












I joined a gym six weeks ago. That officially makes me a hypocrite. I must now apologise to all (both) the gym-goers I sneered at previously.
"Oh, going to get on your hamster-wheels?" I would victoriously sneer, as their toned bodies glided gracefully out of view..

"Oh, going to drive ten miles, so you can sit on a stationary bike and pedal it for five miles?", I would majestically sneer to the absolute mirth-filled delight (complete indifference) of my captive audience of fellow couch potatoes.

Of course, I was just masking the growing fear that I'm not as young, light or fit as I was, and I'm not really doing much about it, save for the occasional trespass around a farmers field with the hounds, or slow paddle down the river.
You may hear similar denial style rationalisations from smokers
"Yeah, it may be bad for me, but I get an hour more break than you everyday, so who's really gonna live longer? eh? EH?" Quite.

Anyway, I'm enjoying going, I have no idea if I'm any fitter or lighter, but I'm making an effort. If I ever took the piss out of you for your healthy attendance, I'm sorry. If I took the piss out for any other reason, IT STILL STANDS!

At my preferred Health and Leisure facility, they provide you with shower gel. I hate shower gel. it's not fit for purpose. You just smear yourself with a slightly slimy concoction that REFUSES to lather. It's deeply unsatisfying. What's wrong with a good old fashioned hunk of soap? You can hold it in your hand for the whole duration of your shower, delivering wave after wave of superb quality bubblage. My favourite soap is from Lush. It's Virgin Olive Oil flavour and smells divine. or at least it did until they discontinued it a few weeks ago. The swines. I'm never going back to Lush. Or to the gym.


10 comments:

Bright Ambassador said...

May I suggest Imperial Leather Foamburst? It really is a sensation in shower gels.

Ishouldbeworking said...

I went back to soap about six months ago. Looks like there's an unstoppable zeitgeist at work in the field of personal hygiene. The counter-revolution is coming.

But you wouldn't feel right about using a 'communal bar' provided by your gym, would you? Would you?

Valentine Suicide said...

I think I'll have to stick with the gym-provided gel for now. Soap is the best, but there's the inherent problems of transporting soap. We may need to get scientists involved in the revolution? How do you get yours to and from the gym? How do you de-slime it?

That Foamburst stuff is good, but there's still the logistics of having to pick it up and squirt it then put it down. You can hang on to your soap and scrub scrub scrub.

Ishouldbeworking said...

A small plastic soap-case stops cross-pube contamination and, if regularly rinsed, is a non-slimy aid to agreeable ablutions.

Valentine Suicide said...

"cross-pube contamination" has to be the phrase of the week.

I understand it's the major cause of the spread of The Swine flu?

BPP said...

"My favourite soap is from Lush. It's Virgin Olive Oil flavour and smells divine. or at least it did until they discontinued it a few weeks ago. The swines. I'm never going back to Lush."

The above written by a man, apparently.

Valentine Suicide said...

"The above written by a man, apparently."

A fine observation. The below, also.

BPP said...

You should be ashamed of yourself, Valentine. A real man knows nothing of soaps. I rub m'self down with caustic soda once a year ... and to hell with the consequences!

YOU WOMAN!

Ishouldbeworking said...

AND you never update your blog, you effeminate wastrel.

Valentine Suicide said...

Gah! Takes one to know one. GAH!

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