Monday, 21 September 2009

If I had a hammer

I’m a firm believer in not having to do DIY. Gardening also looms large on my list of things to avoid, as the weekend approaches. I work a lot of hours during the week. Some weeks I have to get out of bed in the middle of the night and work unexpectedly. That’s an odd state of affairs I seem to have got myself involved in. Surprise working. It’s like musical chairs. You can can relax, have fun be happy do what you like, then the phone rings and you have to work for a indeterminate period.

I digress. I don’t want to work all week, and then come home and have to work in some other fashion, thereby denying myself my human rights to have fun and fall asleep indiscriminately . Or to leap out of chair and be ridiculous, without fear of ridicule. These things I should be able to do. Not shuffle about with lawnmowers and drills, trying to make that dry patch a little wetter, or that crooked thing a little straighter. That sort of thing is for the middle aged men that I work with. Not the middle aged men who is me.

Obviously there’s a price to paid for all this. Your house falls into a terrible state of disrepair, and you your wife complains at you for being the good for nothing low-life lazy scumbag her mother told her you were.

Luckily, these problems are easily solveable for the slacker. No-one can see the terrible state of repair of my house, because the terrible overgrown garden is in the way, and I’ve never married.


Matthew Rudd said...


Ishouldbeworking said...

You mean you haven't got a Black and Decker Workmate??

Valentine Suicide said...

Of course, I've got ALL the gadgets. Just not the skill or motivation to use them.

I put a blind up last weekend, and it was still up this weekend. Isn't superglue marvellous?

Bright Ambassador said...

Same here. As Mark Radcliffe always says "DIY stands for 'Don't Involve Yourself'."

And I agree with Jeremy Hardy (surprisingly) - DIY is a form of scabbing, you're doing the work of a much better qualified person. I'd always get 'a man in'. They can do the job much better than me and I'm providing someone with gainful employment.

I'm not married either.

Five-Centres said...

Are you in MI5 or a gynaecologist?

I hate DIY too. So I don't do it.

Piley said...

I hate all those thing too - what is there to love anyway?? Gardening is the one that really gives me the pox... boring, back breaking... then ina weeks time it all needs doing again... woohoo!!

People who enjoy gardening must be missing something if thats all they look forward to!! I resent every second i spend out there.


Mondo said...

Luckily I'm hopeless at both. Anything I put up crashes down within a week - and gardening's just something old people do isn't it?.