Friday, 12 August 2011

That difficult second novel.

The Bleakening by Valentine Suicide


Flickering in and out, it pulsated. Pulsated, darkened. It darkened, divided. It divided again. Then, unaccountably bleakened.

Chapter One - An Ordinary Guy

……..and custard legs!" I finished, slamming the door in her penis.
That's the kind of guy I am. Just ordinary. Nothing special about me. From the eight ordinary years I spent as a musician, only quitting after my fourth Mercury Prize nominated platinum album. When the lack of integrity in the music industry, and an unfortunate accident that broke my triangle forced me to quit.

It allowed me to join the SAS as an ordinary but hard soldier where I won about ten wars, before becoming the lead-pilot in The Red Arrows. I also had to leave this behind, following a mid-air accident. We were doing that Red Arrows manoeuvre "Whooshing past each other dead-fast and that" when my wing touched the female pilot coming the the other way. I had to eject into her cockpit, and save the little lady. I couldn't live down the gratitude in her tear be-soaked eyes, or the sexual harassment tribunal. So I quit.

All these things had allowed me to develop a certain set of skills. Which is why the government came to me when they needed help with The Bleakening.

Chapter Two - The Coming Of The Bleakening

The Bleakening came. No-one knew what is was or what to do with it. Not even me, and ex-soldier pilot/rock star.

Chapter Four - The Bleakening Reveals It's Deadly Purpose

The Bleakening revealed it's purpose, which was to kill people. I still didn’t know what to do, so The Royal Institute of Stones and Bleakening sent a beautiful meddling female Professor of Bleakening to help me. We didn’t get on, but had to work together for the good of mankind.

Chapter Three - Love and The End of The Bleakening

After working together, me and the beautiful meddling female Professor of Bleakening realise we love each other, and so find a way to defeat The Bleakening using the power of ordinariness, flight and the iPhone anti-Bleakening app. Mankind is saved and we live happily ever after…

Or do we? And what happened to Chapter Three?


Kolley Kibber said...

You raise some very real and difficult philosophical questions in this novel-cum-treatise on the existential crisis of modern masculinity.

Jon Peake said...

I can't wait to read more. No, really.

BPP said...

I couldn't be bothered to read this. Is it any good?