Sunday, 25 May 2008

You're only as old as you etc

Things that I hate about getting older:-

Bits of you sag, or actually fall off.
The fact that you have to try and 'get on' at work and it's ultimately hollow and that you're mostly treading water until you retire.
The fact that people around you are also getting older.
People look at you funny if you're in Waitrose, wearing those trainers with the wheels on the bottom.
You can afford all the gadgets in the world, but can no longer make any of them work.
When you stare at girls in short skirts it's because you're worried they may be cold.

Things that I like about getting older:-
You don't feel so obliged to do things that other people want you to do.
You can wear slippers without feeling self-conscious.
The ability to grow hair in strange places.
You don't have to worry about being 'cool' (although I am VERY COOL).
You can't remember what it is you're supposed to be worried about.
You don't have to pursue sex anymore. Or even think about it. Or do it.
You don't care whether people like you.

Things I liked when I was kid but now dislike:-
The Sex Pistols.
The Young Ones.
Star Trek.
Doctor Who.
Janice Fagin.

Things I disliked as a kid but now like:-
Pink Floyd.
School - I'd love to be back at school.
Supermarket shopping.
Exercise (except in a gym).

Things that I disliked as a kid and still dislike:-
Duran Duran.
Steve Wright in the Afternoon.
Carry On Films.
Rice Pudding.

Advice I would give to my younger self:-
Be more adventurous.
Be less self conscious.
Leave home and buy a house as soon as you can.
Buy shares in Microsoft.
Don't give up the guitar practice.
Don't start smoking.
Don't start a bloody blog or you'll have to keep thinking of lists to populate it.
Don't ask Janice Fagin out.


John Q Wagonwheel said...

Wow, people actually found The Young Ones funny...

Good post though.

Clair said...

Aw.What a top post.

Heavenly Demise said...

Interesting list. So, you LIKE supermarket shopping? (taps the side of her head) Age or insanity, I'll go with the later?

Matthew Rudd said...

And what exactly was/is wrong with Duran Duran?

I can empathise with the short skirts observation. I genuinely don't even notice leggy girls any more.

Five-Centres said...


I think I'm going to have to nick this for my blog.

BLTP said...

I thought the only good thing about supermarkets was fish fingers...

Ishouldbeworking said...

What sort of slippers?

BPP said...

You fat, navel-gazing, miserable, self-centred, benefits cheating, pompous ass.

Nice to have you back.

Valentine Suicide said...

JQW, in the eighteen eighties The Young Ones was the absolute pinnacle of comedic entertainment. I wonder if folks will despise Little Britain in twenty years time. (I already despise it).

Matt - What is wrong with Duran Duran? Lord where to start? The awful singing? The terrible lyrics ("don't say you're easy on me...aaargh")? Huge crimes against fashion? The release of Nick Rhodes pompous pretentious coffee table book of distorted Polaroids? The god-awful playboy images of Rio and Girls On Film. They just represent everything I disliked about eighties music. Apart from that they're alright.

5C - Steal away, mate.

I DO like supermarket shopping? Doesn't everyone?

ISBW I've have several pairs. My work-a-day stylish lined suede moccasins, my edgy slip-ins and for special occasions, the ones that look like CLOWN SHOES!

BPP- I assume you're talking to ISBW?

Roman Empress said...

Not having to pursue sex links in nicely with the not feeling you have to go out part. And yes, I love food shopping but then I always have.
Lovely blog you have here.

Valentine Suicide said...

Thank you RE. Most people only come here to insult me..

BPP said...

Who cares what drivel's spilling out of your head at the moment? I know I don't care, because, unlike you, I've just won £100 on a scratchcard. That's right, you hapless drone, £100, tax-free!


I look forward to pissing on your grave, Valentine ... PISSING ON IT FROM THE DECK OF MY GOLD BOAT!

Heavenly Demise said...

I really think it's about time someone silenced bpp. He's just stepped waaay over the irritating-the-Hell out-one, line.

Valentine Suicide said...

I couldn't agree more HD. I'm thinking of offering poor student JQW a couple of quid to whack him?

BPP said...

And banging on about imaginary hell hounds, goth music, the devil, and velvet isn't irritating in the slightest. Eh, HD? Eh?

But eh, though?

Heavenly Demise said...

Now that's pissed Beast of 'imaginary', he ain't. I'll send you some of his 'doings' to prove it. A nice load of Beast do-dos and see if you still thing he's 'imaginary' then!

Heavenly Demise said...

VS, I don't think a 'whack' will do the job somehow.