Thursday, 22 May 2008


Having previously been irritated by Geri Halliwell releasing records I'm never going to buy, (mercifully she's stopped now. That news really did 'Lift Me Up') I'm now irritated by the fact she's started publishing children's books I'm never going to buy. I know I'm a bit late in realising she was doing this, but I don't take a great deal of notice of the world as a rule. Particularly the one inhabited by celebrities. I doubt if I'd have noticed at all except I accidentally read a 'news story' about her being stuck in a lift at a book signing. Imagine being stuck in a lift with her? *shudders*

Anyway some quotes by her on her new career:-

"I have loved reading since I was a little girl. Books by CS Lewis, Enid Blyton and Oscar Wilde have always been my great escape, without getting my fingers burnt.

Do you think they used to burn Oscar Wilde books in nineteen eighties Watford, and force the kids to pull them out of fire and read them? Monsters!

"As a Spice Girl I wrote lyrics for many of our hits and have continued to do so in my solo career.

"I wanna huh I wanna huh I wanna Zig-a-Zig aahhh" said Thomas the Tank Engine as he rolled out of...

"So it would be amazing if Ugenia Lavender encouraged both girls and boys to get reading."

I'd be amazed if any kids read them.

Apparently she was signed up by Macmillan Children's Books after 'calling the managing director of the publishing house out of the blue.' So that's how you become a published author. I always wondered.

When she gets bored of this can Alex Ferguson expect a call? " Hello Sir Alex, Geri here. I'll be playing right back for you next year and thought I'd let you know.."


Whilst approaching the Jackfield Bridge (pictured) yesterday in my 'banana boat', we were confronted by a young lady looking down at us. Not particularly unusual, except she wasn't in a "Hello boys, just passing the time of day" stance, as we normally encounter, it was more of a "Yes I am on the wrong side of the barrier, and I am going to jump off this bridge" type posture.

I'm not really sure what you're supposed to do in a situation like that. we could have carried on with our trip, but if she did jump, she would have at least injured herself badly, and we would have been best placed to help her.

Q tried a "You wanna be careful up there, mate", and was at least rewarded with a wan smile. We could see someone, also on the bridge, on the phone, so we assumed the Police were being called. After a quick whispered discussion two of the guys retreated out of sight under the bridge and waited for developments, whilst I moved further downstream behind her to try and get a viewing angle so that I could see what was going on.

The Police duly arrived, and I expected some sort of on the spot long drawn out counselling to commence as they 'talked her down'. What appeared to happen from my limited vantage point was, a couple of minutes of softly-softly, then one minute of shouting, kicking and screaming as they hauled back over the barrier and carried her still screaming into the back of the Panda-Car.

It's been a strange week.


I've become addicted to Cadbury's Twirl bars. I thoroughly recommend eating two, one directly after the other.

Try it and let me know how you get on?


Mr H said...

What to do;

1) is she is attractive, position yourself, to provide a 'suitable' landing site.

ii) is she's plug, then pretend you are the Olympic DeafBlind Paddling Team, and head in the opposite direction, ignoring her completely.

c) if it's Geri Halliwell, sharpen your paddles to a point of lethality, then skewer her. Then dunk her under the water until she stops kicking. Then take her body ashore and set fire to it. Then divide the ashes into as many piles as there are people, then all go five hundred miles in different directions before scattering the ashes to the wind. Then kill yourselves in case you have been infected with the GERI.

Heavenly Demise said...

The 'Boss' is amazed how well the whole Halliwell idea is going. She really is pissing you all off, it's just great!

BPP said...

I didn't realise they still made those. Well, it's been a long time coming, but I can finally say I've learned something from that grotesque blackguard Valentine.

John Q Wagonwheel said...

ooh, new logo.