Wednesday, 15 April 2009

The needle and the damage done....

So, there I was, about three weeks ago, walking the dogs in the dark, in the fields near my house, When all of a sudden there was a bright light directly above my head. The dogs and I were transported, by some kind of tractor beam, up into a saucer shaped vessel.

I can only vaguely remember what happened, but it involved a very long needle, strange flashing lights and all sorts of other unpleasant experiments done to me and the hounds of hell.

I was deposited exactly where I was abducted from about half an hour ago and have just managed to get back to my computer and tell you this fantastic and terrible tale! What I don't want you to think is that I've been too lazy to update this celebrated piece of pop culture. Oh no.

I was watching with quite considerable apathy, The Champions League games, this week. The meeting of the top two teams in the Cocoa Cola Championship had me screaming at the tv a week ago, (from my cell on board a spaceship) but the cream of Europe has me snoring.

In the Porto team, there is a player named 'Hulk'. It's not his real name, but a nickname. He got it due to the green strip at a former club, due and a slight resemblance to to the 'actor' Lou Ferrigno.

I quite like this to catch on in the English leagues, though from interviews with managers (such as former players Hughesy, Incey and Fergy) nicknaming footballers consists of shortening the surname of the player to its first four letters, and adding a 'y'

Be nice to see 'Twat' on the back of shirt of the Manchester United number seven, though?

3 comments:

Ishouldbeworking said...

Why am I suddenly reminded of that Simpsons episode where Homer is abducted by the aliens? He obligingly parts his buttocks for them, provoking the hasty response "NO!! Stop! We have reached the limit of what can be learned via the anal probe."

Good job you got back safely, anyway.As for the football, I have nothing to say.

BPP said...

I must say I'm suspicious of this 'ere alien abduction story, Valentine. Is there any photographic evidence of out-of-this-world smegma on your hounds?

Valentine Suicide said...

I NEVER said it was an anal probe? (It was, though). As for the footie? West Ham are doing Ok... and Charlton are...erm.. Oh.

Yes I have photographic evidence, Perry. It's here

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