Tuesday, 2 November 2010

The novel wot I wrote

The Stones by Valentine Suicide

Chapter One - The Coming Of The Stones

The Stones came. No-one knew what they were or what to do with them. Not even me, a scientist at The Royal Institute of Stones.

Chapter Two - The Stones Reveal Their Deadly Purpose

The Stones revealed their purpose, which was to kill people. I still didn’t now what to do, so The Royal Institute of Stones sent a beautiful meddling female Professor of Stones to help me. We didn’t get on, but had to work together for the good of mankind.

Chapter Three - Love and The End of The Stones

After working together, me and the beautiful meddling female Professor of Stones realise we love each other, and so find a way to defeat The Stones using slug pellets and a rock hammer. Mankind is saved and we live happily ever after...Or do we?


Kolley Kibber said...

You can't leave it there! This is literary gold.

Valentine Suicide said...

You may not have picked it up from the subtle subtext, but there's a possibility of a sequel. Although 'Stones' took so much out of me. Emotionally, I mean.

Piley said...

I LOVE it! So moody, so well written. Did you nick it from Katie Price??


Cocktails said...

I see truth in this work - shimmering, thirst quenching, naked truth. Thank you so much for giving this to us.

Can you knock out a few more follow-ups then? I'm seeing Shia Labeouf in the title role of the film adaptation.

Valentine Suicide said...

It's dedicated to you, Cocktails. Without you, this work of genius would have been consigned back to oblivion.

BPP said...

This is the worst novel I've ever read.

Valentine Suicide said...

It's the only novel you've read. Where's that car you owe me?

Kolley Kibber said...

Why not update your blog, while you're lying in bed like a great preening queen with pus coming out of your ears? It'll take your mind off it.

WV - 'bedionst'. That's what you are.

BPP said...

Are we ever going to get a sequel to this book?