Wednesday, 2 April 2008

Poetry Corner #1

In what I hope will become a feature of this blog I'm submitting some poetry for your perusal. As stated I've recently taken up the guitar and I'm banking on this leading to a career as an internationally acclaimed singer/songwriter and a life on Easy Street.

The Drowning Sailor, The Blind Man and The Burglar by Valentine Suicide

"Glug Glug Glug" the drowning man said,
As he sank to the bottom of the sea,
"I really shouldn't have jumped off that boat,
without a life-jacket attached to me".

"Ouch Ouch Ouch", the blind man said
as he bumped his knee on the chair.
How did that thing get over here,
When I left if over there.

"Steal steal steal", the burglar said,
as he made off with all my wares,
Me TV, me video and me Swiss army knife,
and me fridge, full of chocolate eclairs.

*Takes deep breath to recover from the emotion of the 'reading'

Obviously it benefits from a very moving performance piece/mime that goes with it, which I'll put on Youtube when I can be etc

I'd really appreciate some honest Simon Cowell style criticism, so go on, have I got any talent?


Matthew Rudd said...

Just how big were the arms of this burglar?

Five-Centres said...

You gave it 110%, you owned the stage, you enjoyed that didn't you, etc, etc.

You're the new Ted Hughes.

Thumper Plowman said...

It's not bad but I prefer your older stuff from the 70s

Valentine Suicide said...


Leona Lewis (whoever she is) is planning to duet it with Duffy (whoever he is) AND Ewan McGregor wants it as the background to his new adventure laxative ad!

John Q Wagonwheel said...

It sliced through me like an upturned knife-rack through tumbling melons. Phwoar, tumbling melons, eh? eh?

But seriously, that's some deep shit man.

*clicks fingers in appreciation*

Ishouldbeworking said...

It's powerful, dangerous, confrontational stuff, VS. The artistic equivalent of passing a small kidney stone. You make us laugh, you make us weep, you make us vomit. Reading your words is like squatting over a mirror and seeing the Face of God.

I think you should put on a black polo-neck, call yourself 'Daddyo', get down your local, climb on the bar and do an impromptu reading. Read till they beg you to stop. Read till they throw pint glasses at you. You MUST be heard.

BPP said...

Well that was bloody awful. If I had to give it a mark, I'd say`it's worth a -25 out of 10.

And as for this drivel becoming a regular feature?

1. It won't, because you can't be arsed to make anything a regular feature.

2. If, by some miracle, it does, then God have mercy on our souls.


No offence, like.

Rob said...

i'm still a little bit too overcome to really comment. I see the latent Russian Formalism, the hints of religious hermeneutics and textual exegesis, there's certainly a continental structuralism to it. However, if we looked at it purely in terms of Freudian and Lacanian psychoanalysis then, sadly, it's crap :(