I was completely devastated, disturbed, disgusted and insulted* to be referred to as a 'Brummie' this morning, for about the hundred thousandth time in my life.
I'm not a Brummie. A Brummie is someone from Birmingham. I wasn't born there. I have never lived there. Birmingham is about twenty five miles from where I live. I am not a Brummie.
It's often people from 'darn sarf' who make this error, and it's usually after they hear me speak. I haven't got the strongest West Midlands accent in the world, but it's there. It's not a Brummie accent though. It's tainted with a slight Black Country tinge. So I'm probably more of a 'Yam-Yam' (someone likely to say "Yow am" or "Yow'm" instead of "You are").
I'm not a Yam-Yam either though, 'cause I live in Staffordshire. The county that brought you Shane Meadows and Paddy Considine.
("Surely that was Nottinghamshire, VS?"
"Nar M'Duck, Meadows is from Leek, Considine from Burton"
Alas, I have no territorial claim on either, as I was born in Shropshire. Carole Decker anyone?)
Anyway, Southern Softies, to avoid offending 'my people' here's how you tell a Brummie from a Yam-Yam. It's a one-word thing, like telling an American from a Canadian by the way they say "out" (or "oot").
If they pronounce the word "Years" as "Yuurz" they are most likely from Brum. If they say "Ye-uz" they'll be God's Own Black Country dwellers. Simple.
Obviously this is NOT going to stop me referring to anyone from Essex, Kent, Berkshire and parts of West Sussex as 'Cockneys'. I thank you.
*not really bothered
Have a jolly nice weekend. To set you up, here's the most menacing use of an East Midlands accent ever committed to celluloid.